Titus 2 (Part 4) God’s Design for Women in the Church

Titus 2:3-5

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

As Paul continues on instructing Titus how to organize his church, we come to older women being instructed to train younger women to love their husbands. Parts 1-3 of this blog series has already dealt with the earlier instructions in these verses.

5. “and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,” 

“Train” means “to restore to one’s senses” or “to hold to one’s duty”. 

Young women are to be “trained” to love their husbands. This means that loving others is something that grows and changes. When we “train” for a hike or “train” at the gym, we are seeking to grow in endurance and strength. Loving our husbands and children requires endurance and strength - God’s grace in our lives and dependence on Him to live true biblical love. God uses this word “train” to mean we are to continually be held to this “duty”. It is an act of obedience to God to love your husband and children. 

Women here are told to love their husbands and children. This is not a feeling oriented love. Love is a choice. It’s a decision that comes from loving and fearing God and desiring to please Him. Sometimes it is easy to love, and sometimes it is very difficult. In Christ, through the power of His Holy Spirit, we can choose to love.

We need to turn to Scripture to define love. We don’t want to confuse being “nice” with genuine biblical love.  Love is not “acts of service” or “words of affirmation”. Love languages are not found in Scripture. We must conintually return to God’s Word to know how to live. And God has much to say about what love is!

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Let’s examine how each characteristic of love is defined.

Patient  - Patient in the Greek is makrothymeō.  This is a verb meaning to suffer long and to bravely endure misfortunes and trouble.  It also means slow to anger and slow to punish. 

Long suffering involves seasons, not minutes. This is a supernatural way to love others that we can do only when we are trusting in God’s grace and love to sustain us. Our “natural” response is not patient. And it’s not will-powering ourselves into holding our tongues. This is a heart response - resting in God’s sovereignty, wisdom, and love.

Where do you need to “suffer long” and “bravely endure trouble” in your marriage or parenting or other relationships?

Kind - The Greek word for kind is chrēsteuomai which means goodness or graciousness. It means to “show one’s self mild”. Being kind is showing good to others. Kindness is active.  The opposite of kindness is severity:  lacking compassion and gentleness, being harsh or inconsiderate.

Kindness is doing good to others for their benefit and well-being.  It involves helping others, seeking to alleviate hardship or suffering, being useful or being sympathetic, and then actually doing something that helps someone in need.  Kindness seeks to make someone else’s experience more enjoyable and beneficial than it would be otherwise.

Kindness can be costly. We may need to inconvenience ourselves because we love God. If we are on “auto-pilot” and just going through the motions of relationships, we aren’t really depending on God. Are you praying and asking God to help you be kind to others. “Sucking it up” is not depending on God.

Is there a situation or circumstance in life where you need to intentionally focus on benefiting someone else even at a cost of uncomfortableness or inconvenience to yourself?

Not envious  The original word is zēloō.  It is a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, successes, or possessions.   

How might this play out at home or with others. Are you discontent when your husband goes out with friends or has a “fun” time without you? Are you envious when a co-worker advances and you don’t? Are you envious when someone else’s child is noticed and yours is not?

What about when someone posts pictures of themselves on a sunny, tropical beach and you are home in the rain?

Envy focuses on SELF. Envy looks at what YOU have and thinks “that’s not enough, God should be blessing me better”. We can’t love others if we are focused on ourselves. Love is others focused. Not being envious means you can celebrate and be truly happy for others and content with what God has given you!

Not Boastful - The Greek word is perpereuomai which means “to extol oneself excessively”.  Someone who boasts is seeking glory for themselves. Like envy, boasting is about self.  Someone who boasts not only desires to have the attention and approval of others but also wants to be better than others. 

Boasting is about wanting to be seen and noticed. Maybe it’s talking excessively and making you and your life the center of conversations. Maybe it’s drawing attention to yourself in your actions.

We boast subtly. All of these traits of love are revealing our hearts. Think about why you post on social media. When you post a picture, or tell everyone what you are doing, what response are you desiring?  

I had a friend visiting from out of town and after our fun day out, she said “I’m going to post these pictures. My friends will be so jealous”. 

The desire to be noticed takes the glory away from God.

Isaiah 42:8

“I am the Lord; that is my name;

    my glory I give to no other,”

Not arrogant - Arrogant in the Greek is physioō which means to inflate, blow up, puff up, or make proud. These descriptions give the idea of someone who thinks way too highly of himself.  An arrogant person has a very high opinion of himself and thinks others should treat him accordingly. The opposite of arrogance is humility. 

Pride is feeling good about an accomplishment. Pride sees self as the reason why something good happened. For example, someone who is prideful would say, “I got the best test score because I worked really hard.”  Someone who is prideful measures who they are in comparison to others and feels good about what they accomplish. Arrogance comes from on-going pride.  As someone focuses on their great accomplishments the attitude of “I’m better than everyone else” is developed.  So pride and arrogance are very closely related.

How does this show up in family situations? Do you ever think “my way is so much better”. Maybe it’s re-loading the dishwasher because the way you do it is “right”. Maybe it’s criticizing someone who has done something differently than the way you would do it. Arrogance doesn’t have to be voicing how great you are. We can be arrogant in the actions we take. In the work place, it may be similar. Arrogance assumes that you are right and doing things better than others.

Not rude - The NASB translation says love “does not act unbecomingly.”  The NIV says, love “does not dishonor others”.  The Greek word is aschēmoneō  which is translated as “uncomely”. Paul writes this in the negative form to say love is not rude. Love is not inconsiderate. Love is not inappropriate or improper.

Jerry Bridges, in his book Respectable Sins, says this about being inconsiderate.  “The inconsiderate person never thinks about the impact of his actions on others.  The person who is always late and keeps others waiting is inconsiderate.  The person who talks loudly on his cell phone to the disturbance of others nearby is selfishly inconsiderate. So is the teenager who leaves her mess on the kitchen counter for someone else to clean up.  Anytime we do not think about the impact of our actions on others we are being selfishly inconsiderate.”  

How might this show up in your life? Are there things you know your husband likes you to do and you don’t make them a priority? Are there things you know he doesn’t like that you do anyway just because you prefer it that way?

Are there things at work that reveal a self-focus or inconsiderateness. It’s easy to see other people being inconsiderate of us - it’s a lot harder to see in ourselves. You really have to stop and consider - how are others thinking about what I am doing? Am I inconveniencing others simply because I’m being thoughtless of them?

Not insisting on our own way - Loving others is living a life that is focused on God and others.  Other translations say “love does not seek its own advantage” (CEB) and simply, “love is not selfish” (CSB).  The Greek combines zēteō which means to seek or have an affinity for and heautou which means self.  The idea is that love does not seek, pursue, or strive after what self wants and desires at the expense of others.

Love is self-sacrificing.  Love is willing to give up desires and wants to help and serve others.  Jesus is the perfect example of self-sacrificing love.

Where do you tend to focus on self. Are there areas of work, relationships, home life, the way you make decisions, the way you drive or grocery store - where you are insisting on your own way.

Not irritable 

Other translations say, “love is not easily provoked”.  The Greek word is paroxynō which comes from the roots of “to” and “swift”.  This is translated throughout scripture as “arousing anger” and “to exasperate”.  Love is not quick to get angry or quick to show annoyance or impatience.  

Proverbs 12:16 says, “The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult”.  A fool makes his annoyances known immediately. An irritable person is quick to get angry and is quick to show it.  This person has a “short fuse” and is easily offended.  An irritable person has strong preferences for how things should be done or the way they should be treated.  Any infringement on their preference is met with an impatient and rude response whether verbally or with body language.

We are called to be slow to anger.  Proverbs 19:11 puts it this way.  “Good sense makes one slow to anger,and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”

When are you irritable? What situations tend to make you irritable? This is coming from your own heart! It’s not your husband or children or boss or traffic that make you irritable. 

We are irritable when we insist on our own way rather than submitting to God’s plan.

Not resentful - Other translations say “Love does not keep score”, “Love takes no account of evil”, “Love is not resentful”, or “Love does not take into account wrongs suffered”. The Greek is a combination of two words logizomai, which is an accounting term and means “to reckon, count, compute, calculate, count over, or to weigh”.  The other word kakos means “of a bad nature, troublesome or injurious”.  Taken together, these words paint the picture of keeping a tally of the bad, injurious things that have happened to you. But, love does not keep this tally or score.  Love forgives. 

Forgiveness has a lot of nuances in it. But, for now, the question to ask is, am I dwelling on past offenses and allowing those past offenses to affect my relationships? Am I making someone pay for how they have treated me rather than covering it over with grace and love?

Again, there are times to address serious, on-going sin. Love doesn’t ignore sin that is harmful or that is impacting the sinners relationship with the Lord. But there is a biblical way to confront sin and there is an unbiblical way to confront sin.

This description of love is focused on your response to times when you are wronged. Are you trusting God and His plan, even in allowing and ordaining others to sin against you (like Joseph) or are you dwelling on the wrong and focused on making the other person pay for their sin?

Not rejoicing at wrong doing but Rejoicing with truth - So love approves and celebrates what God declares to be right.  Conversely, love never approves of or celebrates what God says is wrong.  Any thought, word, action, or desire that aligns with God is righteous and should be rejoiced in.  But any thought, word, action, or desire that falls short of God’s character and word must not be enjoyed.

Romans 12:9 tells us “abhor what is evil, hold fast to what is good”.  It might seem obvious to hate evil and love good. 

Do you ever laugh at something sinful? Do you take delight in the extravagant sins of Hollywood or what you see online? Do you laugh off the sins of your children?

Do you rejoice with what is right? When someone confronts your sin and you know you have sinned - do you rejoice that you’ve been given the opportunity to repent and please God?

Bears all things - The Greek word for “bears” is stegō. Literally translated this means “roof”. Paul is saying that love protects and covers.  

‘According to the Greek dictionary, [1 Corinthians 13:7] can literally mean “to put a roof over what is displeasing in another person,” “to throw a cloak of silence over what is displeasing in another person,” “to pass over in silence or to keep confidential or to protect and preserve by covering.” 

“In other words, it means to cover over with silence, to keep secret, to hide or conceal the errors of faults of others. What Paul is saying in verse 7 is that when we tell someone, “I love you,” we are telling that person that we will function as an umbrella or roof that will shield and protect that person from harm or unnecessary and unhelpful exposure.”

Proverbs 17:9 says, “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends”

Proverbs 10:12 says, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses”.
Are you quick to bring up past sins. Are you quick to want to make sure other people know their sin?

Yes, there are times to confront sin. But there are lots of times to let love cover over an offense. Rather than getting hurt and upset, to graciously remember how much you have been forgiven will help you to not mention the sin, choose not to be offended, and continue to love.

Believes all things - The Greek for believes is pisteuō which means to “have confidence in”.  

Wayne Mack says, “I believe that he meant that if we are loving people, we will not allow suspicion, cynicism, or a judgmental, critical attitude to become a dominant feature in our relationships.  Love’s believing all things means that if we are living a life of love, we will put the best possible interpretation on what another person has done or said until we have the facts that prove to the contrary.  It means that if we do not have the cold hard facts that prove what the other person has done is evil, malicious, or unbiblical, we will always opt for the most favorable possibility.”  

People who look to find wrong have a critical spirit. They look and find fault with everyone and everything. Regardless of the topic of conversation - whether it is a person, church, an event, or anything - they end up finding something to complain about or accuse about.

Love chooses to place the best possible light on a situation until there is proof of wrongdoing. 

Do you give those around you the benefit of the doubt? Do you choose to put a kind and generous interpretation on words and actions or do you assume the worst?

Loving our husband and children and everyone else, means you won’t assume someone did something to hurt you or cause trouble. You won’t assume someone’s actions were meant to rile you up.

Think about how you interact with others. Do you assume offense easily?

Hopes all things Endures all things - - The Greek is elpizō.  Hope means to wait with full confidence and joy.  A Christian lives a life of hope in the gospel of Christ.  A believer doesn’t cross their fingers or wish for an unsure future, but is rock solid in the guarantee of salvation by grace through faith in Jesus Christ.

Love endures all things means that there is never a time when these evidences of love should stop.  Love will continue to be patient and kind.  Love will continue to put aside arrogance and boasting and be humble.  Love will honor others ahead of self.  Love will continue to respond with grace and mercy when wronged.  Love will persevere in forgiveness even when sinned against repeatedly.  Love will grieve over sin and rejoice when God is honored.  Love will continue to cover over other minor sins and be gentle in correction.  Love will give charitable assumptions until it is wise to draw other conclusions based on evidence.  Love will place its hope in the only One who is secure and steadfast.   Love will endure because God has loved us this way!

This is how we are to love our husbands and children. And really, Scripture calls us to love all people this way. NONE of us do this. But, in Christ, we can continue growing to love this way. In Christ, we have His righteousness and we can continually put off our sinful selfishness and put on His perfect love.

Love is action oriented and is aimed at the other person’s well-being.  Genuine love is a heart posture that desires the good and well-being of another person.  Love does what is best for the other person. 

Culturally, love is about making someone feel good. That is not biblical love. There are times that God disciplines His children out of love and we see that in Hebrews 12. Honestly, this is a whole class on its own. I have some optional homework in the back of the room if you want to study this more.